Dear Mystic Ali : Holiday Heartache: How to Create Rituals That Heal and Renew?

Dear Mystic Ali,

Every year, as the holidays get closer, something inside me tightens.
Thanksgiving doesn’t feel warm or nostalgic—it feels heavy. Sad. Grief-filled.
There’s this ache inside me that I can’t explain to the people around me.
Everyone else seems joyful, excited, bustling around with plans and traditions…
and I’m here wondering why I feel so much loss, loneliness, or dread.

I want the holidays to feel light again.
I want to feel hope, not heaviness.
I want to believe in new beginnings—but my body remembers the old ones.
How do I shift this?
How do I create rituals that matter… ones that honor where I’ve been but also open the door to something new?

–Searching for a New Beginning

Dear One,

Take a breath.
Place your hand on your heart.
Let yourself be exactly where you are right now.

Your grief makes sense.
Your sadness makes sense.
Your body is telling the truth before your mind catches up.

The holidays are a season of remembering, and the remembering can hurt.
It brings up who’s gone.
What changed.
What never got to happen.
What you wish you had.
What you lost along the way.

But hear me clearly:

Your grief is not proof that you are broken.
It is proof that your heart still knows how to love.

And love—real love—will always lead you to new beginnings.

Let me guide you into them.

1. The First Truth: You’re Not Meant to Recreate the Past

The heaviness comes from trying to fit yourself into an old template that your soul has already outgrown.

Of course Thanksgiving doesn’t feel the same.
You’re not the same.

The person you used to be isn’t here anymore.
You’ve walked through fire, loss, growth, awakening, truth…
and your soul is asking you to build a holiday that matches who you are now, not who you were then.

This is why it feels painful.

You’re trying to honor old traditions with a new spirit.

You are allowed to start over.
You are allowed to build a holiday that feels like you.

2. Create Rituals That Bring You Into the Present Moment

Ritual is powerful because it tells your nervous system:
We are safe. We are here. We choose this moment.

Here are rituals to reclaim your holidays:

✨ The Release Ritual (Morning of Thanksgiving)

Write down everything you’re grieving, everything that makes you sad about the holidays—names, memories, unmet expectations.
Place it in a bowl and burn it safely.

As the smoke rises, say:

“I release what no longer holds me.
I honor what has shaped me.
I open to what is waiting for me.”

You will feel your heart soften.

✨ The Gratitude Activation (Before You Eat)

Not the forced gratitude everyone talks about.

This is a soul truth gratitude:

• “I’m grateful I survived.”

• “I’m grateful for the women I’ve become.”

• “I’m grateful for the lessons that grew me.”

• “I’m grateful for the hope that still lives in me.”

Your whole body will shift.

✨ The New Beginning Candle (Sunset)

Light a candle with intention.

Whisper into the flame:

“Today marks a new beginning.
I choose peace over pressure.
I choose presence over perfection.
I choose to begin again.”

This candle becomes your anchor.
Every time you see it, you remember:
This year, everything gets to be different.

3. Rebuild the Holidays in Your Own Frequency

You don’t have to do Thanksgiving the “normal” way.
You don’t have to perform your old self.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.

Instead, ask yourself:

“What would make this holiday feel healing for me?”

Maybe it’s:

• A walk in nature instead of a big meal

• A gratitude letter to someone who changed your life

• A small dinner with only people who feel safe

• A day of rest with no expectations

• Watching movies and staying in pajamas

• Cooking one dish that feels comforting

• Creating a new tradition with someone who loves you

• Honoring loved ones who have passed in a simple, intentional way

Your healing gets to lead the structure.

You don’t have to fit into the holiday.
The holiday can fit around you.

4. Let Yourself Have a New Beginning Without Guilt

Sometimes the grief isn’t just sadness—
it’s guilt.

Guilt for feeling joy again.
Guilt for letting go of old traditions.
Guilt for wanting something different.
Guilt for outgrowing who you once were.

Hear me:

You don’t betray the past by choosing a new future.
You honor it.

Because you’re carrying forward the wisdom, not the wound.

New beginnings are not betrayals.
They are birthings.

Your spirit is ready to be reborn.

5. This Year, Make the Holiday About YOU

This year, let the holiday be your sanctuary.

Let it be soft.
Let it be simple.
Let it be sacred.
Let it be new.

Your grief is not in the way of your rebirth.
It is the doorway.

Walk through it gently.

A new beginning is not coming someday.
It begins the moment you choose to create a holiday that feels like home to your heart.

And I promise you—
when you do that,
the light returns.

With all my love,
Mystic Ali