Dear Mystic Ali: I Feel Like I’m Withering Away in My Relationship

Dear Mystic Ali,
Lately I feel like I’m shrinking in my relationship. The more I give, the less of me there seems to be. I don’t feel like myself anymore—I feel like I’m withering away. How do I stop losing myself in love?

Dear Beloved,

When you write “withering,” I can feel the ache in your words. Withering is what happens when the soul is starved of its own sunlight. Relationships are meant to be gardens where two people flourish—but too often, they become places where one person bends, twists, or hides their own bloom to keep the other comfortable.

This happens quietly, in small ways. You silence your voice so theirs is louder. You soften your needs so theirs feel easier. You trade your color for their comfort. And then one day, you wake up and realize: I don’t know where I went.

But hear me now: you are not lost—you are only hidden beneath layers of sacrifice, old conditioning, and a pattern that says love must cost you yourself. That is not divine love, beloved. That is depletion masquerading as devotion.

Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships

• Inherited patterns: Many of us watched our mothers and grandmothers pour themselves out, equating self-erasure with loyalty.

• Fear of abandonment: We dim our light thinking it will make someone stay.

• Unspoken contracts: Sometimes we unconsciously agree to carry the weight of the relationship while the other rests in our shadow.

But these patterns are not the truth of you. They are survival strategies, not soul strategies.

The Medicine

1. Remember your roots. Before this relationship, you were a whole being. Close your eyes and call back the woman you were when you laughed without permission, when your body felt like your own, when your spirit ran free. She is not gone—she is waiting.

2. Water yourself first. Your needs are not negotiable. Love that costs you your vitality is not love—it’s a transaction. Begin tending to your body, your spirit, and your joy like a sacred garden.

3. Reclaim your voice. Start small. Speak your preferences. Say what you desire. Whisper “no” where you once said “yes.” Each word is sunlight feeding your soul.

4. Stand in the well of truth. Imagine yourself at the sacred well, where the waters of divine remembrance flow. Drink deeply. As you do, affirm: I belong fully to myself, and I can love without losing me.

A Closing Blessing

Beloved, you are not meant to wither—you are meant to bloom. Real love does not ask you to shrink. It does not fear your radiance. It welcomes it.

Let your roots go deep into your own soul again. Let your petals turn toward the sun of your true self. And when you shine, the right relationships will not be blinded—they will blossom beside you.

With all the waters of remembrance,
Mystic Ali

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